Sealab 2021

No Waterworld

What's that giant sucking sound? Is it the sound of all the water in the world going down some humongous drain? Or is it some other, unrelated yet still sucky, sound? Maybe you better put your ear down there on the ground and listen. Go on. Hi!

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Season 1

EP 1 I, Robot

A news item about Django, the little monkey whose brain was transplanted into a robot body, plunges the crew into a lengthy debate on whether or not they would allow their brains to be put in robot bodies. Meanwhile, Sealab is in imminent danger of imploding, and Dr. Quinn is the only one onboard who seems to care.

EP 2 Happy Cake

Captain Murphy is horrified to discover that his beloved HappyCake Oven ("Makes real cupcakes!") is missing from Sealab. He orders his reluctant crew to search for it in a submersible, where a giant, killer squid attacks them. Meanwhile, Sparks continues his fiendish quest for world domination.

EP 3 Radio Free Sealab

No one will play with Captain Murphy. Bored and dejected, he starts a pirate radio station using Sealab's emergency radio beacon. As "Howling Mad" Murphy, his obnoxious humor (and soundtrack by The Knaves) catapults him to stardom. But the FCC is closing in on his signal--and this time, it's personal.

EP 4 Chickmate

Debbie decides she wants to have a baby... now. She interviews all of the male crew members to see who would make the best father for her child. The men, of course, turn it into a childish competition. In the meantime, Stormy almost learns a valuable lesson in race relations... but doesn't, quite.

EP 5 Lost in Time

After a huge explosion destroys Sealab, Stormy and Dr. Quinn are mysteriously transported 15 minutes into the past, which puts them in a position to save Sealab from being destroyed in the first place. But Captain Murphy imprisons them. And so Sealab is destroyed by another huge explosion and the vicious cycle continues.

EP 6 Predator

A bloodthirsty, killer alien has boarded Sealab and trapped the entire crew. His shimmering form is seemingly everywhere, rending flesh from human bones, as the remaining survivors cower on the bridge. Once again, it's up to the brave Dr. Quinn (with a little help from Old Gus and Dolphin Boy) to save the day.

EP 7 Little Orphan Angry

Griffin, a terminally ill orphan from the Final Request Foundation, pays a visit to Sealab and captures Marco's heart. Griffin, however, may not be as sweet as he appears. Captain Murphy, fearing an outbreak of bubonic plague, basically freaks out, while Sparks hatches a plan to sell Griff's organs to an Irishman.

EP 8 Waking Quinn

Dr. Quinn (electrocuted through an act of profound stupidity by Stormy) has a series of random and bizarre hallucinations, which bring to mind everything from "The Incredible Mr. Limpet" to "Apocalypse Now."

EP 9 All That Jazz

Captain Murphy finds himself trapped under the monolithic "Bebop Cola" machine--for a year. During that time, he loses all of his teeth, battles an evil robot and has poignant flashbacks to his childhood as the son of a hard-drinking carny. He also becomes addicted to scorpion venom.

EP 10 Murphy Murphy & The Feng Shui Bunch

Having nothing better to do, Murphy hires a high-priced feng shui master to "harmonize" Sealab. As the renovations run into the millions, Quinn suspects that "Master Loo" may not be the man Murphy thinks he is. We can't tell you the ending, but you'd better get ready for the ultimate extreme karate smackdown! Hi-yah!

EP 11 In the Closet

The entire crew, thanks to Murphy, gets trapped in a storage closet. Tempers flare and fists (lots of fists) fly as the gang realizes they may be stuck with each other for a long, long time. Making her small-screen debut in this episode is the inanimate ingenue Buckethead Wendy, who...(sniff) does anybody smell dog urine?

EP 12 Stimutacs

In his quest to build the evilest of all evil empires, Sparks invents a miraculous new drug. "Stimutacs" are billed as an "herbal dietary supplement,"but their side effects are truly amazing--and highly addictive! Can Dr. Quinn foil this nefarious plot?

EP 13 Swimming in Oblivion

Well, a summary of this episode would, in its essence, be a spoiler. But get ready to see some of your old favorites (and some soon-to-be favorites) in this season finale: Chopper Dave. The Bebop Cola Robot. The Forest Ranger Guy. Skanky Darlene. The Martian Quinn. And who can forget Debbie's boobies?

Season 2

EP 1 Der Dieb

When things start going missing on Sealab, fingers start to point and tempers start to flare. It'll be up to Murphy and his cadre of Martian Knights to quell the chaos. Or, more accurately, to exacerbate the existing chaos into something much more chaotic. But at the end there might be cake.

EP 2 The Policy

In a fevered spurt of conspicuous consumption, Murphy runs up a hundred grand in credit card bills. And let's face it: He just doesn't have that kind of money. So he sends his unwilling crew in search of sunken treasure. Sharks? Sure. Lack of oxygen? You bet. And hey, isn't that dynamite over there? Well, I'll be darn.

EP 3 7211

When the nuclear submarine "Aquarius" crashes into Sea Mount, Captain Murphy and the crew of Sealab must prevent its reactor from overheating and exposing the ocean floor to deadly radiation. They'll need all the courage and determination they can muster to prevent an environmental catastrophe.

EP 4 Legend of Baggy Pants

Murphy's golf game is cut short by a lack of balls. In his frantic search for the pro shop, he encounters Monster-Hesh, snotty telephone operators, Dolphin Boy and the perfidious Eggers. Of course, none of that matters when you're blowing the foam off a couple of cold ones down at The Idiot. "Hey! Is that my hat?!"

EP 5 Hail, Squishface

Adorable-ness ensues when Murphy buys a cute little Gloop from a sexy Asian lady. But what the...? Those things are multiplying like crazy! And they've got a hankering for the kelp harvest! And they're filled with poison gas! And we better get some flamethrowers down here to show those damn Gloops who's boss!

EP 6 Bizarro

Murphy and the Sealab crew are held captive... by the Bizarros!

EP 7 Tinfins

Join sexy host Toni Carmel for an action-packed thrill ride as we go behind the scenes of this summer's hottest new action flick, Tinfins! Featuring exclusive interviews with Kid and Play.

EP 8 Feast of Alvis

Tempers flare--and deeply-rooted religious beliefs are mocked--as Murphy readies Sealab for the biggest Feast of Alvis this side of the Marianas Trench. It'll take a miracle to bring the crew together for... wait! What's that strangely brilliant light? Could it be...?

EP 9 Vacation

Dear Dr. Quinn: Well, I hope you are having a great vacation and doing lots of fun things. Yes, have a great time. Oh, wait. Never mind. Because you're not going ANYWHERE! Love, Murphy.

EP 10 Fusebox

A power outage leaves the crew of Sealab in the dark.

EP 11 Brainswitch

When something majorly weird happens, involving an explosion, something else majorly weird happens, involving Quinn's and Stormy's brains.

EP 12 Article 4

Affirmitave Action promotes everyone to the rank of Captain... except for Quinn. And also except for Captain Murphy, because he is already a Captain. That's why his name is Captain Murphy.

EP 13 Return to Oblivion

Join Prescott, the many-tentacled network executive, as he goes behind-the-scenes of Sealab. Will the show be canceled? Burned to the ground? Will there be a spin-off? And hey: what's up with that weird smell coming from Estrada's trailer?

Season 3

EP 1 Tourist Season

A horde of tourists descends upon Sealab. There are some fatalities. Doctor Virjay makes a startling (and delicious) discovery about meat. Yummy!

EP 2 Red Dawn

There is a specter haunting Sealab, and that specter is Murphy, the Great Leader and Friend to All Animals and Children. And he's finally going to tell us the difference between Socialism and Marxism-Leninism. Right before the outbreak of World War Three!

EP 3 Meet Beck Bristow

Hollywood actor Beck Bristow comes to Sealab to do research for an upcoming role. Is Hollywood actor Beck Bristow the hottest guy you've ever seen, or what? Hollywood actor Beck Bristow is voiced by Hollywood actor Beck Bristow (playing himself, Beck Bristow).

EP 4 I Robot, Really

Well, Quinn's really done it this time. And by "it" we mean: gotten drunk and messed around with Chubby Carol the Intern and then been blackmailed and then started slapping people's brain's into robot bodies like there's no tomorrow. Which, actually, there may not be.

EP 5 Frozen Dinner

A distress signal from Ice Station Zebra sends the Sealab crew on a daring rescue mission in their new submarine. Note: this episode will not make any sense unless you have seen the Director's Cut of Wolfgang Petersen's "Das Boot"starring Jurgen Prochnow. Enjoy!

EP 6 Splitsville

Quinn and Debbie are finally breaking up. But not before Virjay gets the band back together. And not before everybody gets real drunk at The Idiot. And not before the insults and fists and beer bottles start flying. You wanted a topless catfight? Well, you got it. Now hush.

EP 7 Tornado Shanks

When Murphy goes off to the Great Spice Wars, the crew of Sealab goes looking for a new captain. Tornado Shanks is the name, football's the game. And by football we mean football against giant robots.

EP 8 ASHDTV

What's better than a TV? An HDTV. And what's better than that? An ASHDTV. And what does the AS stand for? You probably guessed: Adult Swim. But it's: Asteroid Smasher. And that's what the crew of Sealab stole from Spacelab. And that's what they're down in the lounge watching. Right this very minute.

EP 9 Chalkboard Jungle

Quinn agrees to teach Debbie Love's 4th grade class for the day. And Shanks decides to tag along for the ride. Everything goes pretty smoothly. Except they kill the class pet and terrify the kids. Oh, and unleash the bubonic plague. Other than that, though...pretty smoothly.

EP 10 Dearly Beloved Seed

The long-awaited writing debut of mcheshpants420 hits the screen in this madcap, bawdy, fun-filled, poignant, hilarious, campy, educational and sexy romp through the bowels of Sealab.

EP 11 Craptastic Voyage

When Shanks refuses treatment for a festering, pulsing head-tumor, the crew decides to dust off the old shrink ray and then basically reenact the plot of a 1960's sci-fi movie starring that actress.

EP 12 Let Em Eat Corn

Sealab secedes! (From whom, and lots of other pertinent issues, to be discussed more fully during the actual episode.)

EP 13 Neptunati

Enter the sinister and mysterious world of the Neptunati, a secret organization that holds the fate of the world in its clutches. And which also, for some reason, has Shanks as a member. Drink deeply of the real human blood from that real human skull, Neophyte! Yeah, wolf it! Wait, you got some on your chin, dummy.

Season 4

EP 1 Isla De Chupacabra

A team-building exercise goes horribly awry when the crew of Sealab finds themselves on the dreaded "Isla de Las Chupacabras!" In English, that's "Island of the Goatsuckers." And the episode is in English. Except in Cartoon Network's Latin American markets, where it's probably dubbed in Spanish. But whatever.

EP 2 Joy of Grief

A grief counselor (named Joy, of course) comes to Sealab to counsel the grieving, grief-stricken crew after the grievous death of a crew member. Lots of group hugs ensue, as well as a Grief Dance that's not as fun as people were hoping it would be. And also a bunch of murders.

EP 3 Green Fever

A mysterious illness sweeps through the corridors of Sealab like a wildfire. A germy, icky, nosebleedy wildfire. As Sparks and his gang search for Feverheads to bash and Quinn searches desperately for a cure, Debbie makes preparations for her best 30th birthday ever.

EP 4 Sharko's Machine

Pretty much just like the movie it almost sounds like, which stars the incomparable Burt Reynolds. Mmm, actually it's more like if "The Longest Yard" and "Hooper" had a baby, with just a skoosh of "Smokey and the Bandit II" thrown in for good measure. But NOT "Smokey and the Bandit III." No sir, not on your ass.

EP 5 Return of Marko

The much-ballyhooed return of Marco finally occurs in this eponymously-titled episode, with Marco playing the titular Marco. Marco, Sharko. Sharko, Marco. We'll just leave you two to get acquainted. Also, don't drink that pee.

EP 6 Casinko

Deep within the Great Salted Lake of Many Fishes, Sealab has a slight problem: it's sinking into an ancient Native American burial ground. Can the never-before-mentioned crewmember known as John Bear summon the wisdom of the Great Spirit and save the doomed crew? And are those slots really the loosest in town?

EP 7 Butchslap

Marco has a dark and terrible secret which threatens the very survival of the entire Sealab crew. "What could it be?" you ask. Well, that's a fair question.

EP 8 Monkey Banana Raffle

How much would you pay for Sealab? Well, if you were the eccentric trillionaire Max Stone, it wouldn't matter: you could afford to pay full sticker price. And you could also afford a jetpack, a standing table at that posh little cafe on the moon that you like so much, and an army of troglodytes at the center of the Earth.

EP 9 Shrabster

Doctor Quinn has invented a genetic-hybrid crustacean which wields, in its powerful claws, the power to eradicate world hunger. But only if he can keep those evil Grizzlebee's purchasing agents from getting their greasy manhooks on it. Although to be fair, they're really not all that evil. They're just kinda jerks.

EP 10 Cavemen

Stormy and Quinn narrowly escape a nuclear catastrophe, only to be trapped in an underwater cave by a thirty-foot, ravenous Great White! And they've only got 10 minutes of oxygen remaining! Actually, in the time it took you to read that, they're probably down to about 9:45... and now it's 9:40... and... you get the ideer.

EP 11 Moby Sick

Sealab is visited by a cherished old friend: Abelard the Talking Whale. Although he can't really talk; it's more like Quinn just makes him talk with a machine. And he's not so much an old friend; he's just some whale that happens to be dying of whale cancer. And a quick word about whale cancer: you don't want to catch it.

EP 12 No Waterworld

EP 13 A Legacy of Laughter

We love you Sealab 2021.