Baby carrots have dominated the vegetable scene, pushing traditional mom-and-pop carrots out to pasture. The allure of baby carrots is easy to grasp; the modest, bright orange younglings don’t exude the hard living of your garden-variety adult carrot... or so you thought...
Baby carrots are a SHAM, foisted on an unknowing public by powerful conglomerates that shield the truth. Our so-called 'lawmakers' are deep in the pocket of Big Carrot, a lobbying arm that stifles naysayers through intimidation.
Below are some truths they DON'T want you to know:
- Baby carrots are – IN FACT – adult carrots whittled down to look cute and less threatening
- Steady consumption of baby carrots leads to delusional thoughts coupled with a decrease of empathy
- An addiction to baby carrots may lead to acts of theft,vagrancy, and animal cruelty
- The nutritional benefits of riboflavin have been dramatically overstated and might cause a type of female impotency
- Baby carrots are behind the mysterious disappearance of the Sodder children from their West Virginia home. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sodder_children_disappearance
- The shoving of baby carrots into any orifice is not recommended for longer than thirty minutes
As they say: knowledge is knowing. So the next time you see a gigantic sack of these orange ticking time bombs, do the right thing. Choose kale or something.